Our dad has been lying and we don’t know how to help

I hate saying this... But you can't help someone who doesn't want to change/improve. Just continue to be supportive, but don't let it destroy you if it doesn't help. 🫂

It sounds like he's burning out... most of us have been there. Diabetes can be so overwhelming. The only way out of the mindset is with baby steps - small dietary changes, small process changes like testing once a day. Then working up from there.

What’s his dose of metformin? Maybe he’d be willing to try a higher dose.

You could also suggest a continuous glucose monitor. Less finger-pricking with that.

I don’t think you mentioned what he’s eating. That’s a really big component.

Are you in the US? Is he still working?

These questions are about Medicare. He should be on it now, unless he is still covered at work.

A GP is unlikely to prescribe insulin, they just don't trust their patients (is what I think is the case).

He needs an endocrinologist yesterday.

His numbers are not terribly bad, but his kidneys need to be checked. These medications have side effects and flu like symptoms can be caused by them. Only if his kidneys are really good should he be on these meds. (My opinion from experience-husband almost suffered kidney failure because of them. His kidneys rebounded thank the lucks.)

I have seen many people with diabetes who just don't know how much help is available, and allow their GPs to handle things. Please explain to your dad that the hea

“I found out he’s been taking his metformin but not his Amaryl since October. He also stopped checking his blood glucose around late October”

I suppose ask him why he stopped taking the one medication and checking his blood glucose.

Maybe discuss if he would like to get some additional help like a dietician or seeing a different doctor, setting up reminders or have some help communicating with his current doctor if he needs to try different meds.

I think you can express your concern and talk about what he is struggling with. If he is not receptive then there is not much you can do.

I agree with alanthiana that you can’t make someone compliant if they don’t want to be. I say that after having struggled, in vain, for years to get my brother, who had type 2, to test, take his meds, and watch his diet, then watched him get virtually every complication and die at age 39. But I also have a son with type 1, who stays on top of his condition and after 20+ years of living with it, has good (not fantastic) A1Cs and is healthy.

The difference lies in temperament, ability to manage a complex condition, and technology. In many ways I think that type 2 is more of a challenge than type 1 to self-manage, and if I were you, I’d try to get your dad more structural support if you can. Try to get him a good endocrinologist with a reputation for good patient support (Ask around). One w

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Diet is the biggest component, not just medication. I would get him a cgm (if insurance won’t pay, get an over the counter one). I was able to get my a1c to 5.2 (remission) from almost 9. I used an otc cgm to figure out which foods to avoid and I would never let my blood sugar spike over 180.

I hate it how people blame the type 2 for not managing their disease perfectly.

youare not in their body. A lot of my decisions are based on, how do I feel today, what do I have in the house to eat, how much can I afford at the store, what do I have the energy to cook?
Because guess what? I’m not allowed to order a cheesesteak or a pizza.

you never get a break from this freaking disease. If you are feeling well. It is not as hard. But if you are sick or depressed, you only have you.
we don’t need people to be all judgy.

As far as the pcp, go see an endo and help him get set up with a dietician. So they can come up with a plan that works for your dad.

There's not much you can do. If someone doesn't want help or to do things to help themselves, you can't make them. You can help him with resources and support. He has to do it himself

Does sound like he is depressed and doesn't want to fully take care of himself but I will say if he is doing those type of numbers then maybe a doctor can intervene with mounjaro and a cgm, if he doesn't like to pick himself I understand completely and I know for a fact insurance won't authorize a cgm unless it's a type 2 who is uncontrolled and needs assistance of insulin. Since he is starting to be uncontrolled maybe it can become easier to talk with a doctor and see if he can be put on.

It's an alternative but I will say it coming from someone who has stopped caring himself many times that you truly can't make someone care about themselves and they have to find their own solution whether it's giving up or fight to struggle to survive. I say it from personal experience since at the sta

Sounds like he's depressed and could use some help there. I might just be reflecting my self (64F) but have found that when I tackle the depression side of things, I start taking better care of things, including my health. 15 min of sunshine is a good start. But he needs to find something that interests him, because honestly? Depriving yourself of everything in life is really depressing. I find it hard to hang out with groups i used to because of physical limitations, but also just because I can't drink, and the food where they meet is mostly forbidden, too. Money is tighter too. So that affects new things like hair, clothing, etc., that also helped us feel good going out. Add to that that we can't splurge on restaurants, and taking trips become a lot of work if they're even possible, and

Your dad cannot be led or forced into taking care of himself. He needs to know in rather brutal terms that he is making a choice. He is likely unaware that he is making a choice towards self destruction. But, most of all, he needs to know that he does have a choice. Once you have gotten through to him with this message, it is up to him and not you. Above all, take care of yourself. Do not take responsibility for the choices he makes.

I went through something similar with my own father, and it taught me how fear often hides behind denial. I learned that gentle honesty worked better than pressure. I would start by sharing your worry as love, not control, and help him see a doctor together. In my experience, support, routine, and checking in emotionally mattered as much as medication.

You cant make him do it. You have to accept that. Oh wait, you dont have to accept that and noone can make you.

He probably needs compassion and a vacation from the days to day management of his disease.
See if he will get on once a week injections of tirzepatide. This can give him a mental break from food noise and impulse. See if he will take empagliflozin which will help him excrete excess glucose through his urine. Ask him to take a walk with you a few times a day. Ask him if you can be his cook for a while and get him excited about finding nee food to eat. Ask him what challenges him the most and ask him if you can help. Or just tell him you arent going to judge him by how bad his diabetes is and that you understand how tiring it can be AND then ask him what you can help with.

He needs to see an endocrinologist. In my endo's opinion, sulfonylureas are an outdated class of meds that shouldn't be used for T2s until a combo of diet, metformin, a GLP-1 and an SGLT2 inhibitor have failed to lower A1C to a safe range. My endo could be wrong, but still, there are certainly new modern meds available that could be tried and that Medicare will pay for.

Otherwise, it's his life and you're being unreasonably controlling.

You can't change anyone. But an endocrinologist may get him to feel better.

Not sure if he other medical conditions, I can be at 275 and fine just fine. 44 male.